


Please

by Skeren



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Assisted Suicide, Desperation, Goodbye Sex, M/M, Not that he wanted to, This fic is Not Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:05:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6102742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeren/pseuds/Skeren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sephiroth has a request for Zack. Zack is not a happy man to hear it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please

**Author's Note:**

> Written June 2007.

"Zack, I have a favor to ask of you." The words were quiet, considering, and when he looked that direction, there was something in the green eyes that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

He was also being closely watched. "Yeah?" 

"Before I ask, I wish for you to know that there would be long-term consequences that I do not believe that you would be so inclined as to suffer through, and likely you would have personal qualms as well."

Well, that made him oh so enthusiastic to know. "What? Okay, Seph, spill, _then_ we'll decide if the doom and gloom is at all, y'know, warranted."

"Oh no, I am fairly certain that this will be as I foresee it. I only ask that you do not outright deny my request. Do you promise me that?"

"Seph?" 

"Zack Fair. Do you promise me that?"

"…Yeah. I promise I won't just tell you no. So… what's so bad you think I'm gonna duck and run on you?" They were alone, and though the man touching him freely was unusual, he just leaned into the contact and waited for the man to spit it out. If he prodded too much the guy was likely to back off about the subject anyway. Who knows, it might be something that couldn't wait. 

"I want you to kill me."

Or… it could be something that could wait years and years and years. No way he could have heard that right, though. No way in hell his lover had just asked him that. "You mean like… metaphorically? In the perverted sense of the word…?"

"No. I mean that I want you to end my life."

What the hell? No, no, something was seriously wrong here, and it wasn't all to do with the fact that the man was, well, doing as he was doing. "Why, by Gaia's green, would I do something screwed up like that?"

"Because I want you to."

"No."

"Zack…"

"Okay, how about fuck no?"

The hand on his cheek moved, twisted enough in his hair to tug and thereby make him twitch, just a little, over the unexpected sting. He usually didn't do things like that. "I am not asking your permission Zack. I am extending you a courtesy in hopes that you would comply with my wishes."

"How the freaking flying Freya is this anything that can be considered a courtesy? Look, I'm really, genuinely, sorry that you've had a screwed up life, but I want to make it _better_. To do that, you have to be alive, and damn it, but I really do care about your shiny, freaky logic induced ass, okay? So, what the hell? Where is the logic in _this_?"

"I do not wish to any longer be a plaything in Shinra's games and escape in other ways has proved… to be less than in reach. I have not had a choice about giving them my service. I know you are quite aware of this. You seek my happiness, but they care little for such trivialities. I know you are aware of this as well. Thus, I wish you to help me for you are someone that I would regret leaving in my wake, but you are also the only one I would entrust with helping me in this. That is how this is a courtesy. Will you, or will you not, help me with this? It is the last I will ask of you."

At some point while the silver haired man had been talking, he had slid his fingers to curl tightly at a leather-clad wrist, the other having clasped tight on a leather-clad thigh. Now, he tightened his fingers, hearing his voice come out far quieter than he intended, and not with the words he'd been thinking at all, which had been, he was pretty sure, something along the lines of 'there are other ways to do this, you idiot!' "If I stop you now, will you try again later Seph?"

"If you stop me now, I will ensure you never see me again to interfere in my wishes while I still have the chance and ability to carry them through."

"…And you'd be alone if you did that." Something he'd promised at one point wouldn't happen, but damn, it would be interesting trying to keep the man from jumping on the suicide wagon if he wasn't there, and Seph was, unfortunately, way too good at keeping his threats from being bluffs. So, he had to be more careful than that.

Seph nodded, though he hadn't needed to nod for him to know the truth in his own words. It was, after all, kinda obvious. "This will be done Zack, and it will be done before Shinra has chance to further interfere with me in ways I do not approve."

"Okay. Say I get that, which, by the way, I don't. Why is it that, out of everyone you know, you asked me?" He shook his hands a little, thus shaking his lover in turn, in a not so subtle effort to get the man to snap out of it and change his mind by force of will. "And why now? All this time dodging death in the war, and you chose _now_ , when it's finally _over_ , to go and give up the ghost? The hell Seph?"

"Because I know you, Zack. If you cannot stop me, you will not set the hounds upon me in your stead." 

It was true. Damn it but that, at least, was true. He didn't want the man's death to be as miserable as his life had been, but that didn't mean he wanted it to be soon either. Besides, he hadn't answered his other questions. Bastard. "C'mon Seph, this is totally not the way to go. We could take a trip around, cruise some life, pick at some reality. You don't need to die to be happy you know. I'm not sure that happy is even a possibility when you're dead, so what good would it even do you?"

He was quiet for a long moment, watching him before he finally started to speak. "I know that what is on the other side of life is uncertain. I am also aware that now would seem the best time to take advantage of the war having ended, but I simply do not agree that there would be a point. You will not change my mind. I give you this chance only to help me, hinder me, or step aside. Those are the options I am leaving you. If you help me, it will hurt you. I am aware of that. It will, however, remain your choice to accept or deny the offering of my life in this way." 

Seph started to move away at that point, and he tightened his grip on reflex, completely convinced that if the man walked out the door, he was never going to come back. "Seph…"

"Either agree to this, and mean it, or let go of me, Zack. I will fight if you try to stop me."

He meant to go off and die alone. He'd lived too much of his life alone and he knew that he couldn’t do that to the man, couldn't just let it happen like he didn't care. Especially not when he had the chance to keep him from that last step if he just played along a little. Maybe he could dissuade him another way, keep it from going that far. Hell, maybe self-preservation would kick in somewhere along the way and he wouldn't have to worry about it. None of those thoughts helped his voice get above a strained whisper. Just saying it, even if he had no intentions of following through, was hard. "Okay. I'll help you Seph… I just want one more time with you first. I want to remember you better than a snatched tumble in a tent or office."

"Do you promise me that you will complete this task, Zack?" The fingers in his hair tightened, reminding him that they were there, and he felt his throat tighten with emotion. Today was shaping up to be a bad day, with Seph acting so strange, but he could still fix it.

"Yeah Seph. Promise."

"Thank you, Zack." There was a brush of a kiss over his cheek, and the silver-haired man released his hair, fingers trailing over his neck before he carefully shook off his hold. "Come to my rooms when you're ready." 

Then, the man had turned and walked away.

* * *

He considered taking that 'when you're ready' and claim he couldn't find his nerve, then check on him in the morning.

He didn’t think it would work so well. 

In fact, he was damn certain he'd miss out on his last chance entirely if he didn’t at least _show up_. Then he knew he wouldn't be able to convince Seph not to do this. The dead were a little tricky to communicate with after all.

He knew he couldn't really carry through the killing. He'd killed before, yeah, but this was Seph, so it just plain wasn't going to happen. He couldn’t kill Seph. He knew the man would expect him to do it though, and that left him in a quandary. It was why he hadn't pushed open the door his hand was resting on in fact. He knew what Seph wanted him to do. 

And he didn't want to do it. Didn't intend to do it either.

Unfortunately, he didn't have time to think of a better strategy than maybe tiring the guy out, since Seph opened the door for him just a second after his hand landed on it.

He must have heard him walk up, and damned if the man didn't have a knowing glint in his eyes. 

"You took less time than I was concerned you might."

Fighting to keep his smile from looking sickly, he nodded a little. "Yeah, well, that's me, full of surprises." He waited until the man moved so he could slip into the room before really looking at him again. "I haven't changed my mind you know."

The soft words were met with a nod, the door being closed and locked as soon as he was out of the way. "You promised, that is enough. Even though I had hoped that persuasion would not be required for you to do this."

"Yeah, well, just because I'm here doesn't mean I'm comfortable." Drawing a shaky breath, he tried that smiling thing again. "Besides, you're giving me a chance to say goodbye, aren't you? I couldn't… Even if you're doing this, you deserve to get one of those."

When he opened his mouth to keep talking, he saw the man get closer, bare fingers pressing against his lips. "You do not need to talk. I do not need to hear you to understand your aversion." 

He just closed his eyes, drawing a deep breath to steady himself. Damn the man. He knew and he was still trying to get him to do these things. Fingers slid along his cheek, down his neck, then trailed along his arm to catch his wrist, pulling him to follow when the man started to move away from him. He had made a request, and Seph was willing to grant it. He wasn't willing to give him longer, but he'd give him this. It wasn't even close to a fair trade. 

He wasn't going to hurt him, kill him. He couldn't. The man had to know he couldn't. 

"Open your eyes, Zack." The tone wasn't harsh, was just as eerily quiet as everything else the man had done since he had asked him to do this.

So he did, and Seph let go of him, silent permission to look around his bedroom if he wished. 

He needed to stop thinking about the why of this so much for now. It wouldn't make it better, and it wouldn’t make the man's wants go away. So he would focus on this instead, do the things he'd wanted to. Like look at the man fully naked outside the shower, and without some life threatening, or even just ow inducing, injuries on him. 

Focusing on that thought, he reached out to push the open shirt off the man's shoulders. No buttons were closed, though the lack of leather made him realize that had to be about as close as Seph ever came to casual clothing. The pants followed the shirt to the floor, and then he was done, his lover naked in front of him and completely gorgeous.

Taking a deep breath, he ran his fingers down along the expanse of skin, looking there rather than his eyes. He didn’t want to see the look. Not yet. Not before he got the man stop thinking about death for a little while. He shied away from trying to figure out what would have made death so appealing to the man all the sudden, and completely stopped himself from wondering what he could have done to divert the thoughts in the first place.

Instead, he just leaned forward and started pressing kisses against his chest, hands running over hips as he put his full attention into trying to get a sound out of the taller figure. This would distract them both, hopefully. That would be good, and he would give the man everything he knew how, would imprint this on both their memories. Seph would live for this to be a memory too damn it.

When he was drawn up into a kiss, he didn't protest, closing his eyes and continuing to touch, mapping his chest before sliding his fingers to the man's back. The shiver that earned him reassured him, further distracted him as he gave another pass of his hand, searching for the place that he knew made him react. Immersing himself in touch was best, leading to him pressing more intently up into the touch, parting his lips to invite the man in. 

It felt good, the kissing, and Seph always had been talented at it, tongue moving over all the places that made him want to make noise or squirm, and this time was no exception. The only difference was the man was nude and he himself wasn't, something that apparently the taller male wanted to resolve considering he'd started to undo his buckles at some point. 

He had to stop touching when the shirt was the last obstacle above his waist, leading to him breaking off the kiss as he drew deep, shaky breaths and let the man pull the material over his head. At least he hadn't ripped it off. He'd done that once or twice in the past, but they had mutually agreed that they couldn't ruin all of Zack's uniforms. So, they didn't this time, and when he felt hands on his chest, pushing him down onto the bed, he went with the momentum of it. 

When Seph crouched in front of him, he couldn't help the noise of appreciation of the sight. Naked, couched at his feet, even though the man was just going for his boots and pants to get them out of his way, his brain went in all kinds of directions, most of them rather perverse. He wanted to pull the man closer to give a certain one a try, just to see if Seph would go along with it. 

There were so many things they'd never gotten around to, that he hadn't had the guts to bring up, and he licked his lips, trying to find his composure without looking for a clear mind. It only worked in that he went no farther than tangling his fingers in silver hair. He didn't pull him closer to his erection, so he had to say he was proud of himself for his self-control.

Something of his caution must have transmitted, since when the man looked up, his gaze was heated, fingers sliding so that his hands were pressed to bare thighs, fingers flexing on the skin in a slow knead. The action made it just that little bit harder to do something that would deviate them both from what his body and brain wanted him to do, and he felt his breath catch. What a time for the man to get playful with him, the way he was moving up his body more than announcing he'd clearly had some interesting types of plans for the evening as well. The good kind.

Kisses were pressed to the tops of his thighs, above where his hands were planted, back and forth from leg to leg as the older man worked his mouth upwards, intentionally skipping over his groin to go to his belly. Seph was far too watchful for him to do anything but hold still and focus on it, fingers flexing and following the older male upward as he maintained the grip in his hair, fingers tightly curled. The air wasn't quiet between them, soft groans catching in his chest as he focused on him, and the faint growls that they earned in turn had him fully attentive to the proceedings. 

When he was pressed down into the bedding, he went. When the man straddled him, he groaned, letting the hand not tight in his hair knead at the muscles of his back, and he let his thoughts be fully closed down by the deep kiss that followed the actions. He didn't pause to think about why the man had chosen that position, so it was a bit of a surprise when Seph shifted and pressed against him in a way that definitely didn't hint at the man being on top like he usually was. 

Slick and wet, the man had to have decided to do this before he arrived, planning this particular facet of the night from the word go, because there was no hesitation, no dryness to make the effort uncomfortable on either end. He sincerely doubted that anyone would blame him for the whimper the action dragged out of his throat, especially not when the man sank all the way down on him, eyes watching him closely, intense on his reaction. It felt good. It was a complete surprise, but he could take more of this kind of surprise happily. Very, very happily.

Reeling the man in by his hair, he felt his attempt at concentration and control dissolving, leaving him reeling in the wake of just having sensation. Getting Seph low enough, he leaned up to kiss him, needy, hungry, taking everything he could and trying to remember everything. This was a first time, and if he had anything to say, it wouldn't be a last time, but he'd remember it just the same.

He couldn’t stay still, and Seph didn't seem to expect him to, heat and sensation blanking his mind as he continued to kiss, low sounds escaping him as they finally found a rhythm. When he tried to roll them, Seph didn't stop him, just catching his hands in his own and gripping, continuing to move as he wrapped his legs tightly around his waist. He was a little too distracted to protest when the man tugged his wrists together and switched the hold to one hand, and since it didn't change his balance too much, he didn't see a reason to fuss anyway. It felt good, and he could tell that Seph felt good, so that was more than enough to keep him occupied.

He didn't realize why the man had done it until he was pushed back a bit, eyes opening just as he felt Seph press something hard into his hands and wrap his own around them to keep it there. A glance revealed it was a blade, a shorter one, and he shifted his weight back towards his knees, making to let go of it even as the silver haired man fully secured his hold, fingers tangled just enough to keep his right where they were. On the blade. 

When he tried, more persistently, to take his hands back, Seph didn't let him, tightening his fingers around the ones on the hilt, and he started to guide his hands, against the resistance, to press the blade against skin. The chill didn't manage to entirely quell his arousal, though he wished it had, because Seph hadn't stopped moving under him, making the sensation go from very right to very not in just a heartbeat. He found himself shaking his head before he even realized he was going to do it.

"No! Let go Seph." Now he could see the disadvantage Seph had put him at with their position, something he realized only when the leg curled across his back firmly barred him from going further. "Don't do this."

"You promised me Zack." The words were husky, sexually husky, and he shivered. Not the right place, and too much the right place for that one all at the same time. "So, yes. I want it this way. And I want you to finish this, for you and for me."

He knew his tone was a little wild, but he saw blood welling under the blade tip, and it was sinking into skin in spite of the fact that he was resisting with every bit of strength he could put into it. "Seph no! After. After if you really have to, but not now. Please! Please Seph."

"After, you won't do it Zack. I know it as well as you do." It was a murmur, and the man tightened his legs, rolling his hips harder and looking through his lashes as he drew a shuddery breath. "I want it this way."

The action made him falter, not because it felt good, though it did, which it shouldn't have considering what else was going on, but because the look that accompanied it caught him off guard. The blade was sinking further, and the man was moving under him like it was the most erotic thing that he'd ever done. That didn't mean it was, and he put all his effort into getting the blade away from the man, to not getting distracted, because it was the worst time he ever could be. "No. Nonono." 

"Yes." The grip tightened, and he felt the bones in his hands start to ache under the pressure. He didn't care. The only reason he hadn't put more wildness into his efforts to get the man to let go was because he didn't want to do more damage that would kill him anyway. Couldn't do it. Didn't want it. None of that was getting the blade out of his hands or Seph any faster though.

"Let go. Please just let go." It was a whisper, shaky, and he blinked a few times to clear his vision, not managing to stop what Seph was doing, any of what he was doing, and it hurt. It hurt too much to be caught up in it, and he couldn't escape the fact that there was more and more blood, the blade sinking deeper in spite of his efforts. "Please."

No words answered him this time, just a shake of the man's head as he closed his eyes and pulled harder, making a sound that was very quiet but caused him to chill just the same in the fact that it was indecipherable between pleasure or pain. Why was he doing this? Why? He'd never said, just blamed Shinra for the need, but there was no real need. He didn't want to. 

He didn't want to and wasn't being given a choice about it. 

The blade lodged as it was pressed deeper, and by the time Seph faltered, he had to struggle to pry the metal lose. It wasn't working, it was stuck, and Seph was bleeding, bleeding too much, too fast, and he couldn't really see what he was doing anymore. His cheeks were wet and he was sobbing, scrabbling to get the blade lose, Seph having released his hands a little while before. He didn't know how long he fought with the metal, but any amount of time was too long.

Seph wasn't breathing and he couldn't hear his heart beating anymore.

He tried to find a heartbeat anyway, listened hard as he got loose of him to start digging through drawers for materia, potions, downs, anything, his hands leaving bloody smears all over his lover's things as he tried and failed to find anything of use.

Ultimately, it was pointless.

Sephiroth was dead. Just like he'd wanted.

And he wouldn't forget it.


End file.
